With almost a third of 2010 already having slipped by, this is a good time to ask yourself if you are on track to making this your best year yet. If not, what still needs to be done so that you can get back your focus? What will you stop doing and what will you start doing to get the life you chose? Sometimes it’s the smallest things that make the biggest difference, so start small and see how you can turn things around.
Whatever your path, believe that you can make it happen.
Here’s to living your inspired life,
Anne
Assertive Communication
We communicate with those around us to fulfil a need, or express a feeling or idea. Effective communication exists when the other person interprets our message in the way we intended. There is a common tendency to assume other people, especially those closest to us, know how we feel and therefore know how they should treat us. We feel hard done by, angry, hurt or rejected when they don’t magically give us what we want or behave in the way we think they should.
Assertive communication involves expressing your needs while being respectful of others and their needs. The assertive personality always looks for a win-win. They stand up for their own rights, without denying the rights of others. They communicate their wants, dislikes and feelings in an open and honest way, but without threatening others. This means they maintain good relationships, while at the same time making progress towards fulfilling their own needs.
The key to assertive communication is clear, open and honest discussion that does not blame another person or put them down. A useful technique for communicating your feelings and asking for what you want is the Assertiveness Formula. The Assertiveness Formula uses “I” statements as opposed to “You” statements. “You” statements, such as “You always do that…” are generalisations and sound attacking or nagging, so should be avoided or you will put the other person on the defensive.
Assertiveness Formula:
I feel... (Describe your emotion)
when... (Focus on the behaviour)
because… (Reason for your feelings)
So please… (Your preferred
outcome)
What do you think? (Ask their opinion)
An example might be: “I feel hurt when you interrupt me while I am speaking because it feels like what I have to say is not important to you. So please let’s both make time to listen before we have our say. What do you think?”
This formula is not just about expressing your needs and emotions but also helps open the door to compromise, as you show willingness to be part of the solution.
As you practice using this way of expressing yourself you will find it easier to personalise it to suit your style. Others may not respond positively to you at first if you have always been passive with them. You can’t control the response of others but you can control your actions and behaviour. Your reward will be more time for yourself, stronger relationships with your partner, family, friends and co-workers.
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If you need some help being assertive, contact us for a FREE coaching session and take the first step to a more assertive you.
